My preferred state of being
Confession time: I am a lazy person. I much rather prefer curling up on the couch reading a book then cleaning my bathroom. But, I comfort myself in the fact that I believe many of you feel the same way. However, sometimes, I get a little ridiculous in how far I’ll go to maintain my laziness.
A few examples:
Stumbling In The Dark
You know what I’m talking about. It’s late due to you spending 3+ hours pinning Day projects you’ll never finish and gourmet Pinterest meals you’ll never make, and everyone is asleep. You turn off the lights as you go, but there’s always that stretch that involves turning on and off several lights as you go, which involves more than minimal arm movement and is therefore frowned upon.
Instead, you try to navigate the way too your bed by memory and touch alone, stumbling around like a drunk person. My toes seem to do the most feeling as evidenced by weekly toe stubbing incidents. Couple being exhausted, and you also have me trying to walk through the couch for about five seconds before I realized that was to no avail and walked around it.
Eating Cereal For Dinner
I hate going to the grocery store. Spending money on things that are not clothes or jewelry? I’m not interested. Having to explain to Ryan why I went over budget again? I enjoy doing that as much as I enjoy waxing my chin hairs – aka not at all. If it wasn’t for the necessity of eating and the promise of chocolate inside, I probably would never go.
I will go to the store eventually, but I put it off as long as possible, resulting in several interesting meals when rations get low. Cereal, Ramen, or whatever is in the pantry that might taste good together gets thrown together to keep me from getting grumpy from lack of food.
Hey, the TV says Cheerios is a heart-healthy choice. So there.
Wearing Mismatched Clothes
I try to convince people that some of my questionable clothing choices have to do with me trying to be trendy. But I haven’t been with the times since Lisa Frank journals and Beanie Babies were popular.
My clothing choices often start out with me putting together what makes me happy but ends up being whatever is clean and keeps me from getting arrested for indecent exposure because I hate doing laundry. Folding clothes makes my soul die a little each time I do it. But I hate ironing more, and I can’t convince work that the wrinkly hobo look is in so I have to suck it up.
But whoever came up with the touch up dryer setting, you’re my hero.
Manually Brushing My Teeth
This may be confusing until you realize my toothbrush is electric. I have gone about two months now brushing my teeth the barbaric way because I’m too lazy to put new batteries in it. I think about it, of course, usually when I’m already five minutes late leaving for work or at 3 AM because my mind works in mysterious ways.
Eating Out of Measuring Cup
Dishes suck. And this is coming from a girl who owns a dishwasher. I’m a horrible person, I know. But dishes scare me, crusted with unidentified foods and germs galore and I have to touch all of it even to get it in the dishwasher, let alone anything that requires hand washing. I usually need about 30-45 minutes of motivational pop music to get through a sink full of dishes.
You may say to me, “Sarah, just wash dishes every day and it won’t take as long and be so overwhelming.” But, I glare at you as I eat cereal out of a measuring cup and cite water conservation as my lame excuse for fear and laziness.
Leaving Christmas Decorations Out Till March
The epitome of laziness for me in 2013 was not ever putting up my Christmas tree because it is huge and sheds even though it is fake. (28 year old fake Christmas trees, in fact, shed needles like real ones.) But in the spirit of the season, I did decorate the house in festivities.
That are still out, and it’s February 24th.
I try to cite my love of Christmas, chanting a few “Fa La La Las” for good measure. I remark on the recent snow storms putting me in a holiday spirit. I remark how spiritual I am to keep out a nativity scene year-round. I remind everyone the joy it brings Ryan when our fake dog barks “Jingle Bells” to him when he comes home from work.
But, it’s mostly that I hate lugging boxes out and am too lazy still to put it away.
I can’t be the only one who goes over and beyond to maintain my laziness. What are some of your laziness vices? Please comment and make me feel less like a bum.