Why So Freaky??

Posted in Random, The Blog Zone by

If you could banish one thing from the earth – tangible or intangible – what would it be?

I have to admit I’ve spent all weekend trying to figure out how to put a funny spin on some of the questions BlogHer is having me answer this week. This happens to be one I struggled with; I mean, there are lots of things that I’d love to banish, like hunger, pain, death, turtlenecks, and Furbies. But to write a whole post on them, the idea well just seemed to go dry.

But then, I remembered one thing that especially freaks me out, which I would love to be banished forever and always:
Clowns.

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Don't ask...just run.

Google tells me this fear is called coulrophobia. I’m not sure in what parallel universe people think clowns are enjoyable to be around. Most of their humor comes from self-inflicted pain, though YouTube and the viral videos tell me people find amusing. But, I’m not sure I can trust someone who needs to paint on a smile or has skin whiter than I am.

The story I heard in high school of the midget clown serial killer hiding in a baby’s room when the baby sitter was home alone didn’t really help either, I guess. I might have been a little freaked out the next time I babysat my neighbor’s daughters. And then there’s the movie It when the clown eats children. How charming.

So, BlogHer, if I was going to banish one thing, I’d go for eliminating hunger and AIDS. But, if I have to choose a runner up, please banish the clowns. Please and thank you.

Love,

Sarah

A Sleepy Love Affair

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Today’s writing prompt asks, “What do you wish you had more time to do each day?” I knew all the “right” answers the moment I read the question; I would want more time to do be reading, spend more time snuggled up with the hubby, investing time in helping the poor and needy, or at least working out so I’m less flab and more fab.

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But, you guys, if I was to be completely honest I’d love to spend more time sleeping. 8 hours a night, snore-free, wearing the best, most comfortable yoga pants ever, with not a care of to-do lists and home planning in my head – a dream, but it is what I think about.

Nothing can illustrate this more than Wednesday night’s adventure. Ryan and I stumbled in at quarter to 3 after a night on the town. We weren’t partying or other such raucous behavior; we were at Wal-Mart picking up door jams and underwear. And Ryan’s laptop, aka the main reason we arrived at the store just after midnight. It was the only time we crazy kids could shop together, which is why I grocery shop solo these days.

Anyway, we spent about 45 minutes shopping, piling up a cart of things to get the coveted 25% off promised us until it became the debacle of the year when Wal-Mart messed up our ticket not once, not twice, but three times before the fourth time was the charm. Each time involved rescanning our entire cart, as well as swapping out the frozen groceries for non-melting counterparts after round 2 failed. An hour and fifteen minutes after we loaded the initial 3-pack of cream cheese on the conveyer belt, we were leaving the store. I raised my arms triumphantly at the associate standing by the door as we exited. We crashed as soon as we got home, and a certain wife apparently snored like an old man due to allergies, driving a certain husband to the couch.

Sleep continues to sing its Siren lullaby, but, alas, another day beckons. Ryan chugs down a five hour energy drink and I take a slug of Coke with my morning Pop-Tart and we bid our bed adieu.

Love,

Sarah

Today Could Have Been Different

Posted in The Blog Zone, Working Woman by
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A ferocious ROUS in his natural habitat

Every day, we make choices. Should I eat Ryan’s last Cadbury egg or be sefless? Should I wear the cute boots or retain feeling in my feet? Sometimes, we just make the wrong choices.

For example, Heather told me I should bring the ROUS to work today. I left him home. If I had brought him –

1. He could have terrified the belligerent patron that argued with Jennifer for 15 minutes. One “growl” from my ferocious furry friend and we would have had 14 minutes, 58 seconds more peace.

2. He would have took one for the team and ate the frosting that made my tummy hurt later. I’m sure ROUS have stomachs of steel and a sweet tooth.

3. He could have hidden in random places in the library and terrified people and staff for my personal enjoyment.

4. He could have become our library mascot. Cats are boring; rodents of unusual size are the way to go. Ryan and I are already cultivating in him a love of reading.

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5. He could have chilled at my desk and made my least favorite projects “disappear.” No, Jennifer, I have no idea where all those damaged books went. It’s a mystery.”

All in all, mistakes have been made, but I remind myself of one comforting truth: there’s always tomorrow. ;)

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Love,

Sarah

Epilogue: So, BlogHer forced me into writing the above in 10 minutes for today’s challenge. (Confession: I took 11, but dang it, I was close.) I am now supposed to tell you how I feel. Luckily, you guys aren’t my psychiatrist so you get to listen for free. It was incredibly hard to crunch everything into such a short period of time since my ROUS  deserves at double the time he got. But, thanks to Misty allowing me to open my present early, I had plenty of inspiration. Thanks, awesome lady!! You are the opposite of a warthog faced buffoon!

Yes, BlogHer, I Am A Fatty

Posted in Food, The Blog Zone by

We are delving into all things personal today thanks to the December 4th prompt:

How often do you go back for seconds?

You might as well just ask me how much I weigh while you’re at it. Don’t give me that look, BlogHer, and say that it is because nearly everyone eats too much during the holidays, but we all know my food baby is here year round. I most definitely do not look like a girl who stops after one plate unless it tastes like crap or I’m having a IBS flare-up.

I love this time of year because I can take an extra dollop of whip cream on my pie and say, “I’ll just work extra hard in January,” or go crazy and buy full-fat instead of 1/3 less fat cream cheese because “I’ve been a good girl.” Do I need either of those things or those decadent holiday cookies finding their way to my waistline? Definitely not. And yet, my plate betrays me.

Don’t start getting up in arms with me; I’m working on tempering those food urges and adding more exercise in my life. But, don’t you just get tired of people making you feel like a fatty ’cause you wanted a second helping of Momma’s melt in your mouth mashed potatoes? I certainly do.

And so I keep repeating my mantra for the winter: Fat rolls will keep me warm. And so, I raise my second square of chocolate peppermint fudge and save my husband the cost of another sweater. It’s my way of going green, y’all.

Love,

Sarah

Is That Glass Mine?

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Today, BlogHer tells me I’m supposed to write about whether or not I think the glass is half empty or half full, most likely hoping I’ll wax eloquent on my inherently optimistic or pessimistic worldview on life. If you’ve come for that answer, I would have to say, “You obviously don’t know me well,” as well as, “Depends on if there’s chocolate in the house.”

I mean, how can anyone have a positive outlook on life if they don’t at least have an emergency bag of Hershey’s semi sweet chocolate chips hidden from hubby’s prying eyes?

However, in reality, I could care less on how empty or full said glass is, but rather if it is the glass I could have sworn was 3/4s full when I left it on the counter and is now a meager 1/4, or is it the half full one on the end table that seems a little warm but has the telltale lip gloss on it? I don’t know what it is about glasses, but I don’t like sharing, not even with Ryan.

And don’t give me the “But, you swap spit every time you kiss” line either because it isn’t the same. In my world, at least.

Couple this phobia with a dash of forgetfulness and a probable ADD diagnosis (thanks, WebMD!!), and I usually end up with about 3 glasses of varying half fullness or emptiness. It makes me twitch just thinking about it as I sip from glass #2 tonight.

My solution to this conundrum is usually the same: collect every cup in the house and put it in the dish washer and grab glass #3, which is fresh and clean of Ryan cooties. And then I prop my feet up to watch Big Bang Theory while wearing my Duck Dynasty hoodie. Classy, I know.

Le chaim!

Love,

Sarah

Christmas Cheer Acapella Style

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My favorite group ever PTX here to bring in December right with mind-blowing acapella.

If that doesn’t put you in the Christmas spirit, nothing can. Crank up those tunes, people, 23 days till Christmas!

Love,

Sarah

P.S. I pumped out the blog with snow. The Southeast doesn’t give me the real stuff like Wisconsin. I know, I’m almost sad about that. Except it’ll be 70 on Wednesday so not really. ;)

Clearly, BlogHer Has Faith in Me….

Posted in The Blog Zone, Writing by

NaBloPoMo December 2013

As I’ve had some issues in recent months with writer’s block, coupled with a budding, albeit distracting, online Scrabble addiction, I decided to challenge myself with a daily post challenge this month in hopes that my writing will improve and we can return to regular weird and wacky antidotes from yours truly.

Today’s post topic really made me feel optimistic about my chances on finishing when it asked: Do you think you’re more or less likely to complete December’s NaBloPoMo? Why?

Ouch. (9 points)

Obviously, December, with its holiday cheer and food comas, is probably not the ideal time to try and write regularly, but I love the idea of a challenge, a chance to writer’s block a swift kick to the rear. Besides, I don’t like what BlogHer is insinuating – my demise and ultimate failure. I have every intention of busting some serious moves this month while hopefully making you all laugh as I love to do.

So bring on the prompts, BlogHer. I am armed with 60+ wpm typing and sass. Watch yourself.

Love,

Sarah